Not Writing

How ironic. I’m writing about “not writing” and it’s not even a complaint about it. I’m not bemoaning it. I have no fear of the blank page. There is no “writer’s block” syndrome going on here. I’m simply reporting that in the course of my long-term strategic plan as a songwriter I have taken what has turned into a full year off from actually writing songs.

That’s not to say that during this past year I haven’t written any songs at all, because in fact I did write at least one. And it was a really good one. I added another scene to my musical and the song just flowed right out. I did a very down and dirty demo, and worked it into the script. I also did a major edit revision of the script after organizing a workshop with full band – so that kind of counts as writing, doesn’t it? It’s definitely part of the job description anyway.

But beyond that, I really haven’t written any songs. Well… except that I wrote an entire play for my school kids to perform that includes dialogue and, ok… original lyrics based on a traditional Christmas Carol. But… that is part of a different agenda, which also includes writing reams of lesson plans! But I wrote that song lyric …like… off the cuff. Easy. I suppose it came easily because I have all the chops for writing in place. When I want to use them.

In fact, I have notebooks full of ideas, and word associations and writing exercises. I have a system in place for logging raw ideas and sketching and crafting and demoing. The marketing and sales streams are still to be developed, but I have the accounting and banking “pipes and wires” in place. I still have to put the PayPal links on my website and get my stuff uploaded on iTunes, etc. And not to leave out the mastering and production. But those steps come way after the writing. Or way before… or somewhere in tandem. That’s the real trick-- getting the coordinated "machine" up and running in the spiral of the yearly cycle.

Sorry…. that is kind of a long digression… but I always do get back to the point eventually… and I really want to write about… “not writing.” 

You see. I don’t lack ideas. I don’t lack creativity, motive or means! But I did take an honest look in the mirror, or in this case, a “no-excuses” listen to the playback… and I decided that, while I have many positives and strengths, I still wasn’t happy with my performance. I knew I could do better with my singing and my piano playing. I'm not ashamed to say I had limitations, missing links, surface knowledge. I knew I was retooling, and I had come to the point where I had to hustle to bring the chops up to snuff before I could go any farther in any direction. As a single mother I've had a hard time managing that, but I am working around it. He just turned 12!!... and I find myself with a lot more of my own time again! ... Phew! ... So, I have taken the brave step of heading to the woodshed ... pretty much full time … indefinitely…before I will venture back out, emerge as a butterfly, as it were. I'm still in there! I don't know for how long. I will keep you posted, certainly.

It was a kind of … scary… step. What…? NOT WRITE? … I thought to myself. How will I SURVIVE?!! But logic prevailed. I will get farther towards that goal if I invest the effort in buffing up my technique now....without the "distraction" of having to produce.  

I was never a piano major, nor a voice major. I picked both up along the way. However, I WAS a flute major and as an undergraduate I spent four years intensively bouncing air molecules off of a silver pipe in a 5’x6’ concrete block room. No, it was not a prison cell, though some would think it was. It was a PRACTICE ROOM at SUNY Buffalo Music Department. What did I practice then? Scales! Yep. Arpeggios, longtones, finger exercises. And also reams of French Flute repertoire. It paid off, too. I could crank the flute like nobodies’ business. I sailed through my degree with honors. 

But when I finished that BFA recital I realized that wasn’t the main act of my dream. So immediately I set out to get serious about songwriting, studying and listening and writing… and playing guitar, and singing and putting together bands and touring etc, etc. I met with much success, and when I ran into some out-of-my-control road blocks necessitating a change of course, I went with the flow. I took the opportunities that came my way and I also got pretty good at strategizing and seeking the things I needed. That's what got me this far, after all!

So the road led me to go back to school, and that second time around it was for the Masters in Education and the NY State Certification, which paid off with a steady and fulfilling day job as a music teacher. Then I decided to settle down for a while and raise my son. Inevitably, of course, I came back to songwriting… this is filling in the back story for those who may not know me so well… and when I saved up enough money I got my computer gear up and running and hit the first round of piano self-tutorial. I was doing ok…writing... in between baby sitters, basically…and the rewiring of my neural net after the maternal rerouting (just ask any mother, she can explain that if you don’t get it).

So… then I was whipping along on, crafting my strategic plan to get back on track with the writing… and had to admit to myself… I wasn’t cutting it on the keys. Or the voice. I was getting bad laryngitis at work, so I would go for weeks when I couldn’t even sing. I couldn’t demo, I couldn’t record and I couldn’t perform anyway. And I was fumbling on the piano, taking hours to record the tracks. I needed to redirect.

Fortunately I got myself hooked up with this great vocalcoach and I decided to dig into the piano rudiments too. Yep… scales and arpeggios…all over again. In all twelve keys…major, minor, blues, chromatic… and mindful audiation and analysis. Music is a mental and physical balance, after all. Emotional, spiritual, imaginative. Logic. Cultural. It’s all there. It all comes together there. But that’s another blog!

The vocal things I’ve learned I will also save for another blog, but suffice it to say it’s been transformational… and enjoyable! As for the piano… it’s a bottomless box. I was about to say “pitt” but… it’s a nice place to go, if you don’t mind the time consuming,  painstaking nature of taming the beast.

It was somewhat “scary” to put the writing out to furlough while I did this other work, but I had to admit that without the proper tools to execute the ideas to my satisfaction there would be no… satisfaction… and no point. And I don’t like to waste time! I suppose I have a strong enough confidence in writing that I am not worried that I won’t flow right back into it when I decide to.

So, rather than focusing on writing lyrics and melody--or business plans!--I am fortifying myself with a glorious vocabulary of extended chords and interlocking grooves, walking bass and chord melody, gospel inflections and blues infections!! Improvising is itself a creative endeavor, but let's not call it "cheating" on the "not writing" part. 

I don’t know exactly where these technical exercises will lead my writing in the long run. There are, like, seven million “Joni Mitchell” chords, once you start piling up chord extensions and uncover the secret to chord substitutions. Each one has a thousand million possible associations. It all depends on what I will be moved to “say” with them. But with all these scales and chords under my fingers suddenly I’m also sight reading more fluently. It was only lack of muscle knowledge getting in the way before. As I “buff” up the fingers, I am feeling a sense of … awakening. A new realm of possibilities awaits me. And THAT... is exciting!

Technical training takes a lot of time, but it’s paying off. I am becoming a much more reliable and versatile “ivory tickler.” Lately I’ve been practicing with my eyes closed all the time. It feels like flying… like a bird, or a butterfly.

When I phase back into writing and recording…and performing… it will be on a level that is much deeper … or more uplifted… I’m not sure which. Perhaps both.